Updated: Jul 7
1. Admitting & Defining What Happened to You
The reason this is a top challenge is because the unwanted sexual experiences, abuse, molestation, assault, incest, rape can happen in so many different ways. Notice that I used several different words to define what occurred. Key: How you define what happened to you will be a factor in how your approach reclaiming and recovering your life.
i. Was the abuse Overt or convert – force, coercion, grooming, bribed,
ii.How did the perpetrator use of the power differential in the circumstances or relationship to satisfy their wants or needs by exploiting you?
1.I was a child but felt like I caused it- It may feel that way, but ask a few question.
2.Were you able to understand the emotional implications of sexual behavior, acts with an adult or anybody who perpetrated or abused you?
3.Were you Developmentally capable to even understand what this meant
2. Relating to How what happened affects you today?
No specific picture or portrait to the childhood sexual trauma, but common symptoms of psychological trauma
Survivor in the video shared his symptoms: trust issues, depression, substance abuse, alcoholism, promiscuity, intimacy issues, PTSD
I have worked with high functioning executives who were survivors of sexual trauma. It affected their current leadership style, their level of emotional intelligence was low, they had difficulty in leading teams, interpersonal interactions, and relationship management
I worked with individuals who couldn’t change his child’s diaper. Another client always allowed people to walk over him, he couldn’t trust other men or women. I coached one executive who wouldn’t leave the house. After 18 months of coaching he not only left the house, but we used breakthrough and performance coaching. He lost 200 pounds, got in shape and he won the Mexico Ironman Triathlon competition.
3. Finding a Safe Place to Disclose
Let’s be real. The current political climate may be making it more difficult for some male survivors to disclose. As certain stereotypes and pictures of masculinity are embraced and others rejected.
Will I be ridiculed, made fun of?
Will I be thought of as less masculine if I admit this happened to me?
Valid, reasonable thoughts and questions. It’s important to find a safe environment where you are accepted, believed, supported
Here’s the final key: Disclosing or sharing is not enough for most survivorsThat’s why you need to understand how it might be currently affecting you today. That’s why I created MPowerSurvivors.com over 16 years ago
I can relate to not having a safe place, with competent help, effective strategies and need for anonymity at times, which might be the reason you are reading this instead of watching the video
That’s okay for now, but please realize that at some point it’s going to be important to not only disclose, but get some help, therapy, coaching, support. Whatever that looks like for you.