Heal or Shut Up!
Sounds harsh, but
How tired are you of hearing the complaints of ungrateful people? Your head swims and ruminates regarding other people's excuses. You've listened to numerous ones. "I don't have that gadget, technique, or the advantages you have!" Then you reflect on the tedious hard work required to obtain your current level of success, and you inaudibly mumble under your breath, "Will you shut up or do something about it!" You feel frustrated.
Until your mind resonates to a prior painful anguishing mental state, you experienced before your current level of healing. Then you remember.
"Sometimes pleas for help often come to us as excuses" - Coach Thomas.
That's how my new year begins. First, I'm wading through emails, reading pleas for help in the form of excuses. Then, empathetically triggered hearing the words, "I've listened to podcasts, read books, and still feel minimal progress on my sexual abuse healing journey." In reply, I suggest a workshop or starting our program. They replied, " That worked for others but probably won't for me. I'm different. It's hard to get motivated about going through the pain of change." If this is your current state, challenged to get motivated concerning healing from childhood sexual abuse, I want to share a piece of neuroscience that may assist you.
I have read numerous books on neuroscience of change in my psychology studies. I'm reading another one, James Clear's book, Atomic Habits. He cited research where they attempted to change hospital staff's habits and mindsets to eat and drink healthier food at work without directly telling them to do so. Instead, they accomplished this by rearranging the environment. For example, the refrigerators next to the registers now included water, not only pop (as my southern parents say, "soda water"). They also placed bottled water at each food station. As a result, soda consumption decreased, and bottled water increased. It demonstrated that motivation sometimes is overrated and that the environment can inconspicuously shape our behavior. Therefore my suggestion to the survivor is predicated on changing his environment. I called for him to place himself in an environment where men are excited about their healing journey, working through issues, networking with others, and learning to be free. That environment, charged with oxytocin neurotransmitters, creates social bonds of camaraderie and support. Such a space might be the catalyst that prompts motivation to surge.
" A year from now you may wish you had started today," - Karen Lamb
Caveat: Please remember, I'm a biased male survivor coach who's big on implementing neuroscience and integrative solutions in my coaching practice and programs. That's because I've seen it work well in my recovery and accelerate healing in the lives of those I help. Work with what works for you, but you have to try it first to know.
With Kindness
Coach Thomas (T)
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